home drunk. lovely friends.
good party. shouldn't write when i am drunk.

just in from the water.
ahhhh. falafel dinner with g'pa and dave reeck over at manzanita on bainbridge. nice motor over and a smoothe sail home. delightful. shockingly beautiful sunset with purple mountain majesty and all that. mmm.

monday and i am too amped to sleep. eat my meds and crawl in my new bed with Blood Meridian by cormac mccarthy...and if you haven't read anything by him you really must. right now you should go buy suttree from amazon.com or somebody else and read it. I would call it candy cept it is so damn good for you. fruit poker.

mccarthy like borders. and crossing them.

decent day at the jobby job. lull before ship. new projects slowly taking form. love the education product lifecycle. not really.

hey hey fatty-o
chilling in my nicely cleaned apartment
and listening to 0898 by the beautiful south
i love it so.

been a swell weekend. visit from the enchanting mdms. darlene and brita, who is here from germany. went to dave's bowling birthday where i rolled like an ass and had to leave after only one game and too sober. i like bowling allys. they are a wealth of people to observe at close range.

ol man crohn's disease may lay quiet most of the time, but there are always little reminders that he will arise again. got to be watching the intake a bit closer. those high fiber foods have an naughty appeal when i shouldn't be eating them. life is balance. which necessitates unbalance. teeter. totter. (btw.. i have been feeling great. feeling heathy. getting to be a big boy. )

went to tommyg's housewarming party last night over in west seattle. darlene, brita and maureen. maureen is a portland person who just moved to sea-town to be a project planner for the city's parks and recreation department.

the woman that sings on this beautiful south album has the sexiest voice. bit of an accent. mmmmm.

any bejesus, party was swank. people were dancing in new dining room. loads of red wine and bourbon. all the usual suspects were present with some special treats. John Lalonde was there and we were able to steal a conversation out in the yard. very nice crib tommy has set up for himself. space for music and his martial arts. caught a ride back to capital hill from avi and kristen. who are quite the cute couple, i must say. my funny friends. i had them drop me near the rebar and checked to see if D and Co made it there for dancing. they hadn't. I walked home in my superhip not made for hiking boots and stopped for an after midnight bookshop at twice sold tales. left with a copy of Blood Meridian by cormac mccarthy and a book on General System Theory by ludwig von bertanlanffy. don't ask about until after i read. not sure where i am going with this, but willing to play. made it home by one and was up till one thirty getting wrapped up in kitty and blood meridian and then off to sweet sleep.

up early drinking fake coffee and rocking out.

the 6ths.
sailor in love with the sea.
mmmm

Heartsick.

ugh.
early to bed, early to rise
makes this man tired about 10 am.

been up to nothing. no good. no bad. or minimal bad.
and maybe a little good to. at least it feels that way.
super secret squirrel. shhhhhh.

a little tenney tonight with the boys.
doubles.
then the weekend starts in ernest.

home at the end of a sunny day. actually still is quite nice out and i should be out playing bocce or riding my bike. but no. i amn't. instead i am hanging with duck and chilling in my shady apt. reading Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain... i think i linked it below... good stuff. i am getting to the dramatic days of coke and cooking. lots of food orgy kind of stuff. so. sitting around reading. being relieved that i don't really have to be anywhere. that i can just relax at home. and i think. damn. this ain't so bad.

move back about two days.
I am having trouble writing what i think of the theresa spink's family in bellingham (her wedding on sat). their family is my family's best friend. we are like one big family when we hang out. my dad, when he was dying, smiled and struggled to opened his eyes when scott and tomson visited. lots of shared godparents. we love the spinks. they love us. anyhow... theresa got married and I hope she and patrick have the longest, happiest lives together. thier wedding was beautiful. i danced with some lovely ladies and some of the swankiest guys. damn. very short cathlolic ceremony that was full of smiles and flowers. my head got a little spinny.

weddings are neat.

wedding was a blast. more about it later. sarah is hanging with me and we are going out for walk and food.

ahhh.
i just had one of those up most of the night kind of nights. thanks to the graciousness of the lovelies Yarrow and Holly. Mellow red wine lounge chat kind of evening. Passed out early morning and drove home at 5:00. Very nice to hang with the good peeps. I have been smacked upside the head and convinced that i need to attend the oregon country fair with the freakshow next year. gots to make it happen.

today: airport to get brando, drive up to b'ham to see theresa spink get married and hang with the spink crew, then hot tub party at liz and shanas. Haven't seen Liz in forever and a day... it'll be good to catch up and get some perspective on where i is. Liz and i were the QA team at Apex back in the early days. We went through alot together until i moved to product management and she went on to her MA program at the UW. Tonight we can catch up.

trying to get laundry done so i have something to wear to the wedding. still dealing with clothes from my camping trip and probably even new mexico. my kingdom for some domestic help.

drink drank drunk.
it's friday. my day.
wore my old man hat today. digging it.
last night. umm. yes. in bed early and watched The Caveman's Valentine
which was pretty good. Samuel L. Jackson. very nice.

now. bob mould. walking away.
work. more people leaving. more layoffs elsewhere.
what is the world coming to.

Better
than if there were thousands
of meaningless words is
one
meaningful
word
that on hearing
brings peace.

-Dhammapada, 8, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Week of July 19, 2001

Around the age of five or six, many children begin to wonder if the adults that care for them are their real parents. Some imagine they were secretly adopted. Others go further, supposing they were originally born into a royal family. This universal tendency is reflected in fairy tales, which are replete with the theme of a baby stolen or separated from a king and queen. As irrational as the fantasy might be, many of us unconsciously carry it into adulthood. It helps explain why we sometimes feel like orphans, even if our moms and dads are still alive. It's exacerbated by the fact that we're often out of touch with our pasts and have no relationship with a loving Father God or Mother Goddess. That's the bad news, Taurus. And the good news? It's all due for a change. Can you handle feeling more at home in the world than ever before?

so.
i have been pondering the soul of my job. what is it? why do we, collectively, do what we do? what is the real reason that i spend 8+ hrs a day building these moments of online interaction? i think i know what my soul is. i get such a kick out of being a do-gooder, my soul is in the building something that can change the world.

is the soul of work money? is the soul of work education? is the soul of work equality? access? wonder? the future? what is it?

damn.

I wish somebody would tell me.

out of practice writing.
c'est tragique.

Tahoe was great.... all but for the travel to and fro. both flight there and back were cancelled which made for long waits at Seatac and SFO. oh well, i made it.

Got to SF and hung out in the airport for a time with Pamela. She drove out to the airport and we sat in the food mall and talked about e-green days and where we are now. Sounds like she has made quite a life for herself in sf. It was great to see her...been much too long... when you have to count in years you know you need to be better about keeping in touch. After Pam took off I went and met joe and tara and we went over to Lynn's house, then to maryanne and owen's in Marin for dinner. Very nice mellow evening, good to get a little calm before the storm.

next morning (friday) we drove TJ the jeep grand wagoneer to Tahoe where we met with TAS crowd. and boom. the rest of the weekend was a blur of hiking swimming drinking chatting cigarettes beer gin tequilla food fires friends and memories. I guess i could go into more detail, but i think it is enough to say that i had a lovely time and can't wait till the next bash.

still in recovery, you know.

off to the doctors to get my blood checked.

hmmmm home.
tired day. worked till noon. got a promotion to Senior Product Manager. which i have been waiting for. came home. crashed. got up. went to ritzman's for a mellow bbq w/brett who is just back from china + joe, tara, jesse, gina, jessica, sean vdh, jim and bill. very relaxing. put tahoe pictures up... see above...

going to bed. i am weak.

home from tahoe.
just barely.
gots to get to the salt mine.
10 hour wait in SF. cancelled flight. angry nick.
but made it. and sarah was my savior at the airport. picked me up and deposited me at my door.

more later. by and by.

out last night with brady, rob and tom.
ate yummy thai.
went to barca. drank. crashed.

racing tonight on Quorum. Then leave early tomorrow for Tahoe. mmmm mini vacation.

nice dinner and drinks with nicole last night.
got drunk. had a great time chatting as only ex's can.
weird forgotten intimacy in language.

today. work is tiresome. usability review done but engineering doesn't have time to incorporate changes into product. its a shame. change is in the air. i can feel it. watering weeds watering weeds. bomb bomb.

escapist fantasies. get me out of here.

writing the bums on combinatorial confessions seattle of and dog the adolescent language beneath rego p seattle and stories

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Week of July 5, 2001

Today I spied my neighbor aiming his garden hose at thigh-high weeds in the vacant lot. There was not a legitimate flower or vegetable crop in sight. The dude was definitely pouring valuable water on a mess of yellow star thistle, French broom, and poison oak. Being an open-minded person eager to understand quirky behavior, I asked him what he was up to. "Giving the water of life to my private patch of St. John's wort," he shot back with a whispered cackle. "The stuff calms me down better than Prozac." Indeed, as I looked more closely, I spied a few shoots of the herb that's said to promote good mental hygiene. What does this have to do with you? Like my neighbor, you Tauruses appear to be watering weeds, but there is in fact a method to your madness.

perfect bbq last night at the ritzman pad mercer island.
oysters, chicken, corn, beer, seedy bread, mmm, J, T, Chris Kline, and Rob. Saw an eagle...no... wait... just a seagull...awful big one though.
joe and tara are off to NY till thursday when i hook up with them at SFO and then to tahoe. at work at 6:00 am. this is what having a car does to me. c'est tragique. ok, so i got a shortened week in front of me. i got job intrigue. I got fat beats. I got soul.

dreaming of the beach. body still remembers it too well. take me down to the water.

tv is now out of the living room.
life is restored to normal
all systems go.

dinner tonight with joe, tara and chris kline.
or something like that.
wouldn't mind going to see a flick.

setting up a water feature for my apartment.
and a better way to expose my miniture bamboo, which is an interesting but does not satisfy my bamboo urges. Damn shame too, cause I don't think I could get full sized bamboo to grow indoors. anybody know?

bruised in such a lovely way.
spent yesterday at westport learning to surf.
Dalto is a very paitent teacher and so are the waves at westport. ok, maybe they aren't quite gentle, nor really paitent as they pound you. but they keep coming back to give you another ride. i am sore. my shoulders have definitely lost the stamina i used to have when i swam. almost makes me want to do something about it. in all my spare minutes.

good morning.

i have a messy apartment and a pile of reading to take care of. forgive me, but i really should be doing some worky work as well. i got a million things going on and aren't quite sure how i fit into them. and then i remember it is sunday..... nother cup of fake coffee and then i'll go back to bed. I am in the middle of Kitchen Confidential and The Whisper of the River, both are fine reads. Kitchen Confidential is autobiographical piece about a chef and exposes the tricks and nastieness of that trade and The Whisper of the River is another Ferrol Sams romp through the south and being Raised Right. Hilarious.

after i got home last night i fed the cats, hopped in the shower, shaved and ran over to martha's place (actually drove, i have a car now, thanks mom and the nice folks at poniac!) and we caught the bus down to EMP to see Air (la bande français)... which was nice and enjoyable except i was too tired to stand. hung out with my old pal naomi starr, brian and tina, martha, ryan, sandy, avi, dr. fain, carriego, chip, marcie and dave oh and who else. my eyes were bleeding by the end of the evening i was so tired.

all in all a great day.

When the day comes
there will be a light so bright
that you will have to shield your eyes
even though you are only watching it on television.

and is this
how it is going to go down
forever a memory
forever a day dream

how can i imprint you onto my minds eye?
and is this how it is going to go down?

lovely ears, #7 bus from downtown up the hill, asked me about murakami.
later at the bookstore in the "m" section.

and that, my dear, is how it is going down.

5 lb Cabbage
3 1/2 Tab. Salt
(1 LB cabbage to 1 pt. jar)
slice cabbage, mix in salt
pack in clean jars
fill with clean water
screw lids down tight
will ferment in 3, 4 days
eat in 4 to 6 weeks
store in a cool place

kraut made in ice box--
Evangeline found this in my gardening book.

we try to move in time
i hear sweet africa calling
memory is made of madness
and vibrations are stopped
only by reason and time

going surfing today with mr. jeff dalto. we are heading to westport at 8:00. I got a couple more hours of puttering around my fur littered apartment.

is it a bad neighbor thing to vacuum at 5:30 on a saturday morning?

had a nice visit with tommy g last night. saw his new pad over in west seattle. great view of space needle to rainer from his front porch. went and ate kick ass mexican at tacos guyamas. he also has a great backyard with a park bench and a cape cod loungey chair. very nice. i was doing the hard sell on a hamaca, partially because it would be so sweet to go visit and hang out in one.

came home to a voice on my answering maching that i haven't heard in a while.
ms. tossey calling from amsterdam. damn, i should have been there by now to visit.
tami and i went to school together in taipei, but got to be dear dear friends when i ran into her again in the states. she is a dancer (moderne type) and a joyful bundle of energy.

i miss her.

i like ben lee.

purity in pop.

yes sir,
i just had a nice dinner down at the italian joint in pacific place with melissa and her friend heather. quite nice seafood spagetti. looked at books and walked up the big hill to my house. beautiful seattle evening, wam and colorful. everybody is out, but fortunately i didn't run in to them. what i miss about travel = first impressions and new people. what i miss when i travel = h o m e. how do you stretch out that word and make it wide and everything. how do you fill up your life day to day?

momo walks through the room. cowardly. large. some of my friends call him sumo.... or slo-mo. the amazing giant cowering cat. ears back. tip toeing.

i fill my day with dreams. i am waiting for the wind fall. i work hard so that when something goes wrong it isn't my fault.

new software to play with. bbedit, graphic converter, flash, yay!!! thanks software gods.

night.

fortunately i ain't so broken up about it that i can't go surfing on saturday.
yessssss, my prettiessss.
getting together with ms. nicole merola for dinner on monday.
what a fucking socialite i is.

tragic= having to pack for a trip when you haven't unpacked from the last.
need my day of rest.

spent the day with mom and sarah.
very nice. a little work in the garage. a little work in the garden. scrabble.
dropped some tools off with mr. sheffield @ abe's and stayed for dinner and the beginning of fireworks.
i feel like i should say something interesting about our nations independence. but hmmm not now.

drank too much last night. head achey.

can't seem to motivate into my pants this morning.
futzing around on sneakyfreak.com and wondering how to show sorrow for and to people that i haven't seen in over 15 years. i wan't somebody else's words to cry out for me. i want to not deal with the fact that everybody we love, and that we don't love, dies. Thomas Lynch, poet extrodinaire and author of The Undertaking really makes it clear when he says bluntly "We have a perfect track record, 100% of us die" this is paraphrased because i have actually lent this book out too many times and it has found a new home. You should read it... now.. or the next time you lose somebody dear. It is comforting, at least the first several essays are... he starts repeating himself after that.

i ought to get to work. me and my sometimes bleak outlook.

using the oracle of my bookshelf for Julie.

"In January 1944, Cornell left his job at Allied Control, but by spring he was looking for work once again. I was always the same: he would dream of having time to himself and then quit his job only to wonder why he had done such a careless thing, condemned himself to days of aloneness and shapeless yearning. Downstairs, in his basement workshop, it was rarely quiet. He could hear his mother pacing in the kitchen one flight above, could hear her brisk footsteps, the metallic clanging of pots and pans, the sound of the water swishing through the pipes and filling the sink as she washed his laundry, her very industry reminding him of his own seeming idleness and the uncertainty of his worth as an artist."

from Utopia Parkway: The Life and Work of Joseph Cornell by Deborah Solomon

you need this. Carcassonne. It is a chess flavored territorial game. Thanks mr. nate and ms. julie for the intro.

sad morning.
found out that a friend's son recently drowned.
I can't even begin to imagine.

i am a monster raging through time
my body is my time machine
i am seeking to stand still in time
a ghost has found a way to jump in time
and revealing itself is its mode of communication.

-np (sometime in 1995)

where oh where are my archives?

home and awake. wow, what a lovely trip the last 4 days have been.
the training session was amazing. i got to work with teachers who have been using exam review and classtools for two years. they told me what they hated and what they loved and they did it in a very supportive way. working for teachers is neat. it is a good environment. too bad it couldn't be more like that at work these days.

anyway... beautiful hike to the petroglyphs. i took some pictures for you. great food in albu... however you spell it. red chile pork burrito that burned exquisitely. baking hot car weather. dusty sweat sticking in a nice way. dry cutup landscape that is so different than home. the mesas. the gruhmp! of bullfrogs stretching their throats. oh wait... i am waxing.

nate picked me up at UNM after work. we drove back to santa fe with nate telling me about the landscape that we were passing that we couldn't see in the dark. i had my window down and the warm night air tickled something in me. it was dry africa air. it was especially nice not being able to see anything. it let me focus on the wind from the window and the excitement of seeing my friend.

go look at the pictures. i had a splendid time. my day and a half with nate and julie revitalized me much more than anything else has in a while. mmmmm... thank you thank you thank you for your hospitalitity and friendship. gush.

what we did: went hiking. tickled a tarantulla (i could hear denis cranking at me in college when we went hiking. we were birdwatching and i whistled to make a bird turn to us so i could see it. I am a whistler and a tickler in nature. i have a hard time keeping my hands off. so i saw a hole and figured there was a big spider in it and got a long piece of grass to check. growing up in africa thing. or maybe it was just a little boy thing. harkens back to tarantullas in honduras too... but thats another story, jack.) , played this cool strategy game called carassonne, it was really cool. i'm getting me a copy. ate a wonderful veggie-prawn brochette dinner. drank beer. good eats. sat by the pond. watched a crappy movie that i slept through because i was so wiped from hiking and the sun sun sunshine.

gush.

and then i came home. 2+ hr delay in phoenix. stupid airlines. it was noneventful travel. i do like travelling by road more than air. at least in practice. but i like to be much further away, which is my tragedy du jour. got home. cab to the pad. shower shave hike to broadway nother cab over to molly's art showing. wow. her work is delicious. fun party with happy artist types out of the studio into the summer. sitting outside in the garden with martha, scott and danielle. chatting with ms. greiner. meeting new people. saw an artstar. came home earlyish and watched the tube till i started to drool. grabbed a kitty and went to bed.

and now it is cold seattle morning. i think i am going to walk down to pike place to get my bearing and sea-legs back. did a lot of good thinking on this trip. hope i don't lose it.